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Humorous Retirement Poems

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Below you will find a carefully crafted list of messages for your special occasion:

To Whom It May Concern:
We will not miss you.
Today we have found,
A monkey who does what you do
With a pound of beef and an old stinky shoe
So go, retire, we will be fine
Although you were like a freaking gold mine

Sure retire, but never re-tire–never stop being the fun, active person you are; and while you’re at it, save a spot on the golf course for me!

You are so old
That it is time to retire
The lessons you taught were like gold
That we slept through your class we were so tired
You know we’re just kidding
We’re just bitter because of all the tests
To a teacher that is hard working, funny and winning
We hope you have a retirement that is the best!

Retiring means closing one door
For another teacher to learn to open
When they get in and see all you have left behind
Running away may be there first thought!
Happy Retirement Day!

You’re now at that age where you will get to sit
Not a care in the world
If you get bored
You can always be a door greeter!
Happy Retirement!

No more getting up early. No more sassy mouths. No more migraines at the end of the day. These are the things you’ll miss right?

Congratulation lazy bones!
Let me know how retirement goes.
You’re finally done with all your work,
Now you can spend your days relaxing, you jerk!

Fun times being a teacher, yet annoying at times
No more moments of whoppie cushion days
Or childrens giggles at your expense
Just feel sorry for the one taking your place

Roses are red and violets are blue and we heard that we are finally getting rid of you. Now, can I have your office?

The joys of retiring school teaching
Become an endless list
The days of stress and torment are over
You can now laugh and not feel sorry
For the next teacher in your place

Getting older, getting grayer
Work has made you wrinkle
Work has made you blue
However now that you are retiring
We are here to say…..
Getting older isn’t going to go away
Happy Retirement Day!

You are retiring, arent you glad? No more teaching, arent you sad? You are leaving us, aren’t you sad? Or, are you glad? We will miss you. Will you miss us? Happy Retirement!

Jammies and fishing poles. Bikes and canoes. Lattes at Starbucks. Flip flops for shoes. Happy retirement. Yes, we are jealous. But have your fun, and we will miss you.

Next week you’ll wake up from your nap
And say “Where are my glasses?”
But we will not be there to blame
Your co-workers

Finally it’s time to kick back and relax, No more boss in your face, No more deadlines to match, Enjoy it!

You’ll get to sleep late and sleep in all morning. Pretty much what you did when you worked just that now you don’t get any disciplinary warning! Happy Retirement!.

We finally did it; We got rid of you now; We’re throwing ourselves a party; Your invite got lost somehow. We bought a big cake; But you missed out on a slice; We got you a present; But it got confiscated by the vice. We wrote in a card; But it got thrown in the bin; We wanted to wish you well; But we couldn’t be bothered coming in. So I guess it’s good luck; For whatever you do next; We’ve already got bets on; For who’ll take over your desk.